419 Live

Live from Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, it’s Crown Jewel 2025.

• The stage is 3x larger than that year’s WrestleMania.

• Vince McMahon makes a rare on screen appearance to welcome everyone to Crown Jewel and promises the best 9 hour show they’ll ever see.

• The first match features a 30 man battle royale with 28 masked men. No one knows who any of them are, but the crowd cheers like crazy anyway. It is won by Mansoor.

• Then we have the mandatory appearance by some celebrity who was paid way too much to be there and has no idea what he’s supposed to do.

• The Tag Team Title match is cancelled because all 4 men refused to go back to Saudi Arabia, so the WWE creates the World Cup Tag Team Titles, which are immediately won by Mansoor.

• John Cena makes an appearance to promote his new movie, which is PG13 and therefore won’t even come to Saudi Arabia

• In the main event, Brock Lesnar literally just collects his money in the middle of the ring. It’s the most exciting thing he’s done in years.

• The plane has more “mechanical issues” and a camera guy is “somehow” beheaded.

See you next year!