Live from Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, it’s Crown Jewel 2025.
- The stage is 3x larger than that year’s WrestleMania.

- Vince McMahon makes a rare on screen appearance to welcome everyone to Crown Jewel and promises the best 9 hour show they’ll ever see.
- The first match features a 30 man battle royale with 28 masked men. No one knows who any of them are, but the crowd cheers like crazy anyway. It is won by Mansoor.

- Then we have the mandatory appearance by some celebrity who was paid way too much to be there and has no idea what he’s supposed to do.

- The Tag Team Title match is cancelled because all 4 men refused to go back to Saudi Arabia, so the WWE creates the World Cup Tag Team Titles, which are immediately won by Mansoor.

- John Cena makes an appearance to promote his new movie, which is PG13 and therefore won’t even come to Saudi Arabia

- In the main event, Brock Lesnar literally just collects his money in the middle of the ring. It’s the most exciting thing he’s done in years.

- The plane has more “mechanical issues” and a camera guy is “somehow” beheaded.
See you next year!

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